The Mission
by phoenixfire74656
Summary: Janeway is terrorizing the ship. Chakotay goes on a mission to stop her. How will it end?


AN: Silly, silly stuff. Sometimes I wonder where my brain gets these ideas from. Must be the coffee ;) Also, I don't think TPTB ever gave the Captain a middle name, so I gave her one.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.

 **The Mission**

The entire bridge crew flinched when they heard the sound of doors swooshing open.

Tom Paris swiveled around in his chair. "Oh, Commander, thank god it's you," he said. Everyone gave a simultaneous sigh of relief.

"Problem, Lieutenant?" asked Chakotay as he headed down to his chair from the turbolift. The Captain's chair was markedly empty.

Tom looked around at all the bridge crew. No one dared speak of it. He took a deep breath before he dropped the bomb.

"It's the Captain, sir…" he started. Chakotay halted in his tracks and turned towards Tom.

"Yes, Lieutenant? What about her?" he asked.

Tom cleared his throat. "Well, you see, sir, she's...she's…"

Chakotay's patience was wearing thin and he was becoming decidedly worried about the Captain. "Spit it out, Mr. Paris!" he yelled.

"She's blitzed out of her mind!"

Chakotay said nothing for several moments. Then, blinking his eyes furiously, he responded with a very exasperated " _What?_ "

"Coffee, sir," Harry Kim clarified from the ops station. "Blitzed out of her mind on _coffee_."

Chakotay closed his eyes in understanding, then let out a groan.

"She's _crazy_ , Commander," continued Tom. "She's literally moving at warp speed. She practically fell out of the turbolift, then she started yammering, something about nebulas and dilithium and a monkey, I couldn't even follow what she was saying."

"This morning, she threw a leola root right at Neelix's face because he wouldn't give her any coffee because she'd already had three cups," said Samantha Wildman. "She threatened to chop him up with a phaser and make a stew out of him. Then she ordered him to take inventory of all our food supplies, clean the mess hall carpets manually with a scrub brush, and recalibrate the warp coils. I don't even think he knows what that means…"

"She handed me a padd with a list of no less than thirty-eight items to fix," said Harry. "But then she pushed me out of the way and started fixing them herself. I had to coax her away from my station."

"Coax her? How?" Chakotay asked skeptically. Kathryn wasn't easily coaxed.

Harry shifted uncomfortably. "I told her maybe she should...that she should get a cup of coffee. She thought that was a great idea and went right to her ready room."

"What?! Don't you think she's had enough already?!" shouted Chakotay angrily.

"It was the only way, sir," replied Harry, hanging his head.

"Commander," Tuvok interjected, "Captain Janeway has also overridden all security protocols. I am not able to deactivate her replicator." Even Tuvok didn't dare enter the Captain's ready room for fear of being swept into her whirlwind of insanity.

"You have to do something," said Tom. "She needs an intervention."

Chakotay threw his hands up. "Why me?" he asked. "Why is it always me?" The entire bridge crew just stared at him knowingly. Sighing, he said, "Fine, I'll do it. But make sure to keep a transporter lock on me incase I get pushed out an airlock."

He smoothed down his uniform and strode over to the ready room doors. Taking a deep breath, he rang the chime.

"Enter!" he heard her call.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Chakotay!" she exclaimed as the doors shut behind him, sealing him to his fate. "I'm so glad you're here!" She practically jumped out of her chair, several padds in her hands, and ran up to him. Normally, this kind of reaction would make him a very happy man, but not today. Today, he feared for his life.

"I have about twenty-seven reports that I've read and we should go over all of them, right now, and then after that I think we should discuss the warp coils, oh and did you talk to B'Elanna about fixing the Doctor's program, I don't think she—"

"Kathryn!" he interrupted, holding his hands up in mock surrender. She stopped and cocked her head. He took the moment of silence to study her appearance. Her hair was in disarray, long pieces of her auburn locks pulled loose from her bun, spilling down her shoulders and back. Her face was pink, and her eyes were open so wide he thought her eyeballs might shoot out from their sockets.

"What?" she asked innocently.

He cleared his throat. "Kathryn, how much coffee have you had today?"

Still clutching the padds, she shifted her weight onto one foot, her opposite hip jutting out. Her eyes narrowed. "What's it to you?" she asked cautiously.

"Your bridge crew is currently cowering from your... _overabundance_ of energy," he said. "You're like a little red-headed Starfleet tornado. You need to stop drinking coffee. That's an order."

The padds clattered to the floor as she threw up her hands. "Ha! You can't give me orders. _I'm_ the Captain, remember?" She took a few steps closer to him until they were almost nose to nose. "And _don't_...call me... _little_ ," she growled.

Before she could say anything further—or worse—Chakotay grabbed her by the waist and slung her over his shoulder.

" _Commander_!" she howled, trying to kick herself free. "Put me down _right. Now_! I'll throw you in the brig and make you scrub the hull with a toothbrush for the rest of our journey! I'll feed you to the Kazon! Or the Borg! Commander do you hear me?!"

Outside the ready room, the bridge crew overheard her loud threats and gave a collective sigh of relief that it was Chakotay in there instead of any of them.

Chakotay brought her over to the couch and sat her down, keeping his hands firmly on her shoulders.

"Kathryn Marie Janeway," he said in a hard, scolding tone, "you will _not_ have any more coffee under _any_ circumstances. You are terrorizing this ship with your hyperactivity. This is an intervention. Do you understand?"

She glared at him mercilessly. He didn't back down; his eyes darkened and he unwaveringly held his grip on her. Realizing that he wasn't going to give into her so easily, Kathryn closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. She needed another plan.

" _Fine_ ," she relented through gritted teeth, opening her eyes to look up at him. "What do you suggest?"

Chakotay released his hands from her shoulders and, stepping back, crossed his arms over his chest. "Restore Tuvok's security access so that he can deactivate your replicator and freeze your account. Neelix will be under strict orders to not give you any coffee or coffee substitute. If you try to bribe any of the crew, I'll be the first to know about it."

"I _meant_ , how am I supposed to deal without having coffee?"

Chakotay shrugged. "That's something you need to figure out, not me."

Kathryn thought for a long moment. He could see the gears turning in her head. They were turning very, very rapidly.

"You know, _Chakotay_ ," she finally said, rather huskily, as she stood up from the couch and moved towards him until the tips of their boots met. "I was really just starting to enjoy this new coffee I discovered in the data banks…" She placed the palms of her hands on his chest. "It's a dark, smooth, Central American blend. I wonder if I could just... _replace_ it with something else dark, smooth, and Central American…that would keep my mind off it, don't you think?"

Chakotay gulped. She certainly knew how to play him, but he wasn't about to give in. "You can't replace one addiction with another, Kathryn," he said, attempting to remain neutral. He tried to avert his eyes from her focused gaze but quickly found he could not.

"Oh, I think I can," she said haughtily. "Plus, I think it could be an addiction you might like…" She wrapped her arms around his neck. "You'll get something red, fiery, and Irish out of it. Like a good whiskey."

He could not believe she was using drink metaphors right now. Then again, with all the coffee she had ingested, nothing should have surprised him. Her brain had been hotwired into a web of madness.

He tried to turn his head away from her, but her hand quickly moved to cup his cheek to keep him facing towards her. He could hear the imaginary cries of the bridge crew blaring in his ears. _Abort mission! Abort mission!_

But it was too late. She had him. Hell, she'd always had him. Apparently it just took an absurd amount of coffee and an intervention to get them both to this point.

Kathryn knew he was a goner. She smiled seductively, then pulled his head down so that his lips met hers.

 _Mission failed_ , he thought, as his brain and his heart exploded simultaneously. Or at least, that's what it felt like. Chakotay was suddenly overcome with desire, the past several years of pent up frustration breaking free. He grabbed her small frame and moved her backwards, pushing her up against the nearest bulkhead. His fingers ran through her hair; her right leg wrapped around his left; their lips didn't part, not even for a second.

"You can. Have. All the. Coffee. You. Want," he said in between breaths of their passionate kissing. She stopped kissing him for a moment to smile deviously into his mouth.

 _Mission successful_ , she thought. After all, he hadn't specified whether he meant the liquid blend or the Chakotay blend.

FIN


End file.
